Chapter 1: Hopkinton

Chapter 1 is online at http://www.WebFeats.com/Transition/1.html.

The action begins as Jillian Kendal, one of my two major characters, rolls into the transition area at the end of the bike leg of the Boston Ironman. She's momentarily distracted by the sight of a strange man who seems to possess Mesmeric powers... or is the Man In White a figment of Jill's imagination?

As you may have noticed in the prologues, I'm writing Transition in the present tense. I've gone back and forth on this a few times. Writing in the present tense imparts a sens of immediacy that I like, but it's rarely used in novel-length works, which worries me. Surely, this approach has been tried and rejected by other writers, many (all?) of whom have likely been better writers than I, so there must be a good reason for not using it, right? But after a number of back-and-forth rewrites of the first few chapters, I decided to stick with it. I can't explain my decision any better than to say that I like the way that present tense flows. Let me know what you think.

Comments

[Tim]

Snow Crash (Stephenson) is written in the present tense. It works well for that novel.

In every tri I've ever seen (I'm training for my first) you have to walk your bike in the transition area.

You should mention how long the run is. I assume at least a half marathon and probably a full, but some context would be nice.

The prologue was decent. I'm not a big fan of people seeing ghosts or being mesmerized, so I didn't like chapter 1 that much. But enough that I'll keep reading.

[Hank Mishkoff]

Tim, thanks for being the first person to post a comment in my blog!

To address your points:

* It's funny that you should mention Stephenson, his "Cryptonomicon" validated for me that writing a novel in the third person, present tense, can really work.

* You're obviously right about having to walk your bike in the transition area -- and having done two of them myself, I should have known better. I don't mind stretching the "rules" to make the story work better, but in this particular case, I could easily rework that scene so that I don't lose the attention of every triathlete before they finish the first chapter.

* The length of the run comes into play soon, patience.

* I tend to agree with you about being annoyed by gratuitous paranormal episodes. (I've just watched "The Jacket" and "The Machinist," which means that I've already had my fill of bizarre fiction this year.) Have no fear, there's very little of that in Transition, and certainly none of it is essential to the plot.

And thanks again for being my first commentor!

[Hank Mishkoff]

A few readers who are triathletes pointed out to me that my major character violated an important triathlon rule in the very first sentence of Chapter One: You have to get off your bike before you enter the transition area, and I had Jillian riding in. In the real world, she would have been instantly disqualified.

This is fiction, of course, and I'm sure that some of my scenes will be at least somewhat unrealistic -- but there was really no need to violate such a basic rule carelessly, so I revised the text.

I had hoped that running a blog would help me get comments from triathletes that would enhance the accuracy of the book, and I'm gratified to see that it's paid off already. Thanks!